Emily Ann
June 25, 2013
I am happy to announce that my blind date went really well this weekend. At first I wasn't so sure about how it would go. However, I'm making a concerted attempt to be more optimistic about guys and try to not view them all under the same light. That tends to be my problem--believing that ALL guys have ill intentions. After thinking about it, I realize I didn't always think this way. I began trying to remember when I developed this belief and quickly realized I could trace it's origins back to a particularly traumatic and volatile time in my life where I was left feeling broken, confused, and vulnerable. My defensive mechanism of thinking all guys are "bad" was needed for me to protect myself against all guys-good and bad; because I was unable to tell a discern a difference between the two at the time.
However, this thought pattern is no longer working to protect me; it is outdated in terms of where I currently am in my life. I have reconciled past events and no longer live in the construct of my previous experience, and therefore shouldn't feel the need to operate off of fight or flight instincts. I believe I have regained my ability to distinguish the good guys from the bad--in fact I know I have. The only problem is trusting myself enough to allow my guard down for a guy, and be confident in knowing he is a good guy. That is a scary, scary notion for me to confront....terrifying, in fact. However it is the only way I am ever going to find true love.
I too have based new experiences on old, and it is a tough habit to break.
ReplyDeleteAny ideas in how you wanna do that? I could use some advise.
Sounds like the date may have helped! Good 4U! :)
Actually the date was kind of a jerk....but following the date I just started thinking about somethings, and how I do rely so heavily on my defense mechanisms. It is an extremely tough habit to break. What I did was I took a piece of paper and drew a line down the middle. On one side I wrote down everything I wanted to accomplish in terms of the different aspects in my life--including, of course, relationships. Then in the other column I wrote down each of my defense mechanisms. One by one, I went through each goal, and then on a 2nd piece of paper, wrote down how I believe each defense mechanism served to advance the goal. I soon realized I had nothing to write. When analyzing it, I realized the defense mechanisms were only serving to keep me in the present, rather than promote me to a better place in the future. Sometimes it just takes writing down things in front of you to realize your mistakes. Hope this helps :)
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